TIME ONCE BEFORE

I look up,
Our eyes meet,
Where have we met?
Electricity courses through my body,
Vibrating the cells in my being,
My heart racing,
A sensation, a knowing that we were once soul mates, lovers or perhaps kindred spirits,
Our hearts and souls were once entwined in a different physical vessel, a different time,
We once shared memories and created experiences together

 

But right now in this moment where time stands still all we share is a glance,
an alchemical meeting of souls for the briefest of magical moments,
leaving an everlasting lingering fragrance of a time once before

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu December 2019

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ANGEL

There you are
an angel from heaven,
When I was broken and bruised,
You healed me with your kindness and love,
You raised my spirit,
You showed me that we don’t have to carry our sorrows,
That we can leave them where there are,
When I was triumphant you celebrated and rejoiced with me carrying me on your shoulders,
Oh did the wind bring you in on its back,
You are as constant as the rays of the incandescent sun, enfolding me in your grace,
You are my angel, my savior
The wind beneath my wings

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu. Written 4 May 2018

 

FREE FALL

They see, they see,
The dark cloud,
The maggot infested carcass of manipulation,
The twists and bends of an evil mind
And yet they look at you
And say “I am here,
But I cant completely stand by you
I need to stand by evil too
Because of my issues of skewed morality”,
Leaving you dithering away,
Ragged, flying in the wind,
As you are trying to fight the suction of a tornado,
Take my hand you scream,
They attempt to grab your hand,
But take it away,
Because the devil calls,
They feel obligated in appeasing the devil,

They say I will come back I promise,

By the time they return,
You are standing there with bloodied knees,
Torn and burnt by the fire of manipulation and greed,
It is then you realise,
You are all you have
As those who cannot choose,
Cannot hold your weight
When you free fall
Only you can catch you,
Just you.

 

Written 15 May 2019.

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu

 

SHE

And there she was in her golden brown jacket shimmering in the reflection of the light,
wearing a shy smile looking rather pensive,
The most beautiful woman in the room,
Yet she stood there not knowing her splendor, her magnificence, her strength

 

From the day we exchanged smiles, she was to be my kindred spirit, my sister, the one who sees the invisible me as I do her

 

If only she would see through the lens of my eyes,
Then she will see
Her staggering beauty
Her cascading hair
Eyes shining like diamonds
Her immense heart as wide as the ocean
Her perfection in her imperfections,
Then she will know I speak the truth
And she can walk proud and be just as she is

 

Anyone seeking authenticity courage and heart
Will be drawn to her like bees to honey
She is her own Cleopatra
She need not justify her existence

 

As her presence so magical
It will make us all bow before her in reverence

 

So I say
“Perhaps one day my kindred spirit you will see beyond your tainted eyes into the well of your soul where the truth lies”
Be you
You alone are enough to light up the whole sky.

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu 2018

 

Father

Wearing a white crisp shirt, well ironed pants,
He looked regal,
Smartest looking man I ever seen,
He had a twinkle in his eye and the kindest smile I ever seen

 

In that moment, unbeknownst to me he was to become my father
One not bonded by blood
But through spirit and heart

 

His laughter infectious, lighting up a room,
Lightening our hearts
And burdens

 

He, an overflowing vessel of love
Flowing from the endless reservoir of his heart

 

But then he left
It was time
He was tired
So very tired
He needed to be free

 

Our hearts broken, shattered
But in the midst of the immense palpable grief, I smile knowing he is dancing amongst the stars
And whenever I look up in the dark night sky I see him shining upon us,

 

He is in the rustling of the leaves,
In the magic of the blooming flowers,
In the everlasting dance of the universe

 

Smiling, I know he will be there right by my side
Saying, I am here my child
I will carry you in my heart
Always and forever.

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu, July 2018

 

 

Murky Waters

I told you
You should have known
Why did you wait so long?
He says you carried on
These are questions I ask myself

 

In the deep icy waters of the countless relentless tortuous dark nights
The answer came
How could you have known
She left you from the day air filled your lungs
You spent all your life
Trying
Chasing
Hoping she may just look your way

 

She held a noose around your larynx so tight
The only voice heard was hers
The little girl only knew
Compliance, duty obligation

 

I could not have known
Abuse was my normal
Suppression was my normal

 

Even he did not know that she had him wrapped in poison ivy
He trusted her too
As I did

 

His own life fragmented by history of distrust and betrayal
Yet he asks me the question
An answer he would know better than anyone
Having swam in it’s dark murky waters
Even now, he is still in its clutches, being drained slowly by a parasitic plant

 

But now I know
The stench of the carcass of control
The dangerous barbs of its stingray venom
Capable of seeping its venom in your soul
So I can no longer continue this dalliance with an assassin of the soul,
I step out of the murky waters
Resurrecting my soul
Starting again
It never too late

 

I am safe now
So my beloved ask no more
Before you stands a woman reborn
No longer in the dark night of the soul.

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu Oct 2018

Does It Matter?

Does it matter?
The inner turbulence,
The raucous noise inside your head,
Lifes’ infractions,
Lifes’ pandemonium,
Lifes’ circus act

 

Does it matter?
The traffic,
The financial upheavals,
The family fiasco,
The betrayals,
The greed,
The indifference,
SIgnificant they are; often plunging you into an abyss
But does it truly matter?

 

When faced with your own or your child’s mortality
When you watch the steady decline of those that make your heart beat
When you watch thier lives so close to the edge
Thier breath inches away from the cusp of death
When you no longer can hear thier laughter or feel the warmth of thier hands
When you sit and watch thier every breath
Hoping, hoping they will stay just a bit longer, just that much more

 

In that moment a certain grace opens
An unshakable calm descends upon you
There is a knowing,
Nothing else matters no matter how big or trivial,
All that matters is love, living, being
All that matters is the face of your child, the worn fingers of your parents, the warmth of your partners embrace,
What will you give to just have a moment, a second of what we take so readily for granted until it all slips through our fingers

 

Does it matter?
Does lifes’ drama need the extortionate importance we give it above all else?
Perhaps for a moment, a season but not forever
Is it worth forsaking what’s intangible?
Is it worth grounding the ship of our lives
I think not

 

Then ask we must, in every moment
Does it matter?

 

Copyright © Gowri Thiagu,  July 2018

Abyss

She has me in a strait jacket,
I can barely breathe,
Scorching my lungs,
Chained in a dungeon,
Dark dinghy and crawling with rats,
She plays me like a puppet with her strings,
I am her possession in the museum of her mind,
I feel myself falling in an abyss,
Every time I loosen the noose to breathe,
She tightens it even more,
Will I ever be free of the chains she has me in?
Will I ever be able to breathe again?

Copyright  © 2018 Gowri Thiagu

Poem

LOST by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
are not lost.
Where you are is called Here,
and you must treat it as a powerful stranger, must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you, you are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
where you are. You must let it find you.

–David Wagoner, Collected Poems, Indiana University Press, 1976